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by Tal Carmel July 25, 2018
Depression during pregnancy was something I was worried about, but hopeful would not happen to me.However, I am one of the 14-23% of women who suffer from depression during pregnancy. I am sharing this to help other woman out there not feel alone, or isolated, in their struggles — because you certainly are not alone.
Let’s go back to January when I sharedmy post about quitting my anti-depressants — what you didn’t know then was that I actually quit taking them in December, because I found out I was pregnant. I did start tapering off the medication for a week, but once I found out I was pregnant I stopped cold turkey.
I’VE BEEN STRUGGLING WITH DEPRESSION SYMPTOMS EVER SINCE.
For a very long time I tried to act as if nothing was wrong. I felt more moody, but hey – I’m pregnant so I’m supposed to be more hormonal. I felt more tired – but hey I’m pregnant. I felt sad – but hey I’m pregnant and we have all these big life changes happening. And hey – it takes a while for your brain to recalibrate after stopping an anti-depressant. I didn’t want to go out and do much – but hey I’m pregnant. Then I noticed that I started to become very withdrawn from my business. Now I LOVE getting to coach people from home and earn an income doing it – but hey? I’m pregnant... was that really a reason to get withdrawn from something I loved?Then came the feelings of guilt, nearly constant feelings of guilt. Wanting to lay on the couch and do nothing. Not wanting to get up and workout, or even workout later on in the day. That feeling that SOMETHING wasn’t right and that no matter how many personal development books I read or how many inspirational videos I listened to – I NEVER felt like doing anything about it. This was all “weird” to me, but —
IT WASN’T UNTIL MY FRIEND AND MENTOR POINTED IT OUT TO ME, THAT I REALIZED I WAS STRUGGLING MORE THAN I EVEN LET MYSELF REALIZE.
She and I were chatting back and forth about why I was so withdrawn from coaching, and why all of a sudden I was being so so hard on myself all the time. She asked “Jess, do you think this is related to your pregnancy hormones?” — In an instant, everything clicked for me. My depression could be hormonally related, or it could be my baseline. We honestly have no idea at this time and we won’t get any answers for several more weeks. My doctor is aware of my struggle. My husband, my parents, and some of my best friends, are all super supportive and ALL of them have reminded me that it is okay to struggle and it’s okay to start medication again – whether now or post-partum. Having a support system around me has made a huge difference.
BUT the people who do not know about my struggle are you — my followers and clients. For the last few months, I have slowly been withdrawing myself from my online coaching, because I feel like I’m not able to help others, while I struggle myself. The idea of having 10 new clients in a month stresses me out. And hiding this — or avoiding it — has been stressing me out as well.I absolutely LOVE my business. I love getting to help people who are ready to help themselves, I love sharing these products and programs with women who have never tried them before, and I love helping people get the results they have been chasing after for years! I also LOVE getting to know you and your story. And I want to KEEP ON LOVING IT!
So for now, I’m going to keep a slower pace that I can maintain. I am accepting new clients & coaches – but only 3 total per month. Because mentally I’m on a day-to-day grind right now and I want to be sure I am giving my ALL to those of you who chose me to be your mentor. I want to give my ALL to myself, my baby, and my husband. Even just saying that and putting it out there de-stresses me a bit!
For the time being, other than changing how I run my business, I’m also engaging in activities that I know will naturally help with my depression (sometimes they come easily, sometimes it is me forcing myself!) —staying more active (workouts at least 3 or 4 times per week), eating healthier foods (for the most part!), getting out in the sunshine, lathering up in my essential oils, talking with my husband when I am having a bad day, staying connected to friends, and sharing only what I want to share on social media.
I get worried about sharing stuff like this because I don’t want to be treated differently or looked at differently. As I cried on the phone to my husband last week I told him this exact same thing. I don’t want people to think I’m made of glass or that I’m going to break. I just struggle with being my normal self some days. Some days I don’t really want to talk at all, some days I do. And that right there is the hardest part about struggling with depression. It’s that day-to-day grind that is hard to describe!
But I have an amazing support system, a plan in place, and a super exciting summer filled with love and a new baby ahead of me! I couldn’t ask for more and God has definitely blessed me in more ways than I deserve. My job is to keep doing what I can do and then reevaluate my need for help.
As always, thanks for reading my thoughts here on this little blog! I appreciate all of your support and if you ever need someone to talk with please never hesitate to reach out to me. I’m not a professional and you shouldalways talk to your doctor, but if you’re looking for some support or more tips –reach out!
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